The Trump Pee Tape - What Really Happened

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Peeing. Everyone and almost everything has to do it at some point in time. Commonly called urinating, taking a whiz, making Water in Westeros,on, draining the main vein  and pissing, pee is something all of us make. Most of us have even seen someone else, or multiple other people pee in their lifetimes. If you’re an adult male who uses public bathrooms, you’ve likely seen hundreds if not thousands of people pee.

But ask yourself reader, the last time you saw someone else pee, did it sexually excite you? Did you wish that they were peeing on you, or did you have the sudden urge to drink their pee or maybe even bathe in it?

If so, then you’re a part of a subsection of society that is into what’s called Urolagnia. Urolagnia, commonly called golden showering or water sports, is when sexual excitement is associated with the sight or thought of urine or urination.

Urine may be consumed or the person may bathe in it. Other variations include arousal from wetting or seeing someone else urinate in their pants or underclothes, or wetting the bed. Other forms of urolagnia may involve a tendency to be sexually aroused by smelling urine-soaked clothing or body parts. In many cases, a strong correlation or conditioning arises between urine smell or sight, and the sexual act. For some individuals the phenomenon may include a diaper fetish.

While there is nothing necessarily wrong with incorporating pee into your sex life, I must warn our rich and famous listeners that golden showers do carry with them the risk of blackmail. Believe it or not, some criminal organisations or even governments have been known to film people enjoying golden showers using covert cameras. They do this for the purpose of threatening to pee’er with releasing their pee tape to the world, possibly subjecting the innocent tinkling to years of public shame.

Don’t think it could happen to you? Guess again. This story involves a pee tape which includes the Russian government, high-priced prostitutes and long time listener of the show, President Donald Trump. Lets soak ourselves in this mystery.

Origins of the Trump Pee Tape

This mystery begins in a simpler time. It was 2016 and Americans of all stripes were united in their love of politics and presidential elections. Little did most people know that a secret document call the Trump–Russia dossier, also known as the Steele dossier was being created by a British spy named Christopher Steele. Chris was a steely eyed hawk the former head of the Russia Desk for British intelligence (MI6). After retiring he became obsessed with the Trump. “Who is this man and what is he hiding?” Chris wondered.

He soon investigated his heart out. The resulting dossier contained allegations of misconduct and conspiracy between Donald Trump's presidential campaign and the Government of Russia during the 2016 election, with campaign members and Russian operatives allegedly colluding to interfere in the election to benefit Trump. It also alleged that Russia sought to damage Hillary Clinton's candidacy, including sharing negative information about Clinton with the Trump campaign. Most importantly though, it involved allegations of Donald Trump engaging in at least one golden shower with several highly priced prostitutes.

Could it be true? Could Donald Trump, a man who has universally been described by his friends as a god fearing christian, family man and lover of poetry really have engaged in something as crude as a golden shower. We and our fellow Drunk Mysteries staff launched the most expensive investigation into this matter to date. What you read next may shock you.

Pee Tape is brought into the light

According to the Steele Dossier, Donald Trump and his darling family travelled to Russia in 2013 for the Miss Universe Contest. Donald’s wife Melanie, had already given birth to at least one child 7 years prior which meant that Donald could not have any sexually relations with her. According to Trump family documents, Donald is genetically prone to finding women hideous after they give birth.

According to the Trump family Orthopedist, Dr. Morris Hurleburt “When I first met Donald he told me he thinks chicks that have squeezed kids out are fucking disgusting!! And who can blame him. He says it’s all the loose skin that really makes him soft as a wet piece of dog shit. Donald likes young, tight, unused broads that he pump fresh loads into.”

Since Trump was no longer attracted to his wife because she had given birth to his child, it seems plausible that he would seek at sexual gratification elsewhere.

Upon arriving in Moscow on a Friday at 3:00pm, all of our reports say that Donald Trump was overly excited and somewhat sweaty for the frigid Russian climate. Upon arriving at his hotel, The Ritz Carlton Moscow, Trump was shown to the presidential sweet, the very same room that President Obama had stayed in years prior.

The Steele Dossier states that the first night of Trump’s trip in Moscow, he ordered several mid-level prostitutes to his room. He had gotten their contact info from russian associates. The document then claims Donald Trump ordered all of the prostitutes to start peeing all over the bed. The motive for this was allegedly Trumps hatred for Obama, who had slept in the very same bed years prior. However, this does beg the question of where Trump was planning on sleeping, since his bed was now covered in Russian piss.

According to the Dossier, the entire golden shower was secretly videotaped by Russian intelligence agents. Further claims suggest that the Russian government has been using this “pee tape” as blackmail against Donald Trump.

The FBI Weighs In

After winning the presidency, Trump met FBI Director James Comey. The two men instantly bonded over the fact that they hated each other with every inch of their beings.

Comey, a lifelong cop thought something didn’t smell right about this new president so he questioned him about the Steele Dossier and if the pee tape story had any credence.

According to Comey, Trump told him on two occasions that the pee tape could not have happened because he did not stay overnight in Moscow at the time of the Miss Universe contest. However, that claim was soon disproven. According to flight records, Trump arrived by private jet, landed in Moscow at around 3 p.m. on Friday, November 8, spent more than one night in Moscow and left on the 10th.

omas Roberts, the host of the Miss Universe contest, confirmed that "Trump was in Moscow for one full night and at least part of another. (November 8–10). According to flight records, former Deputy Assistant to Trump Keith Schiller,, social media posts, and Trump's close friend, the stunning but dangerous, Aras Agalarov, Trump arrived by private jet on Friday, November 8, going to the Ritz-Carlton hotel and booking into the presidential suite, where the "golden showers" incident is alleged to have occurred.

According to Keith Schiller, Trump’s assistant at the time, there were a number of meetings and a lunch the day they landed in Moscow. Schiller claims that a Russian approached them "around lunch-time" and offered to "send five women to Trump's hotel room that night". According to multiple sources, the offer came from a Russian who was accompanying Russian singer Emin Agalarov. Schiller said he didn't take the offer seriously and told the Russian, 'We don't do that type of stuff'." That evening Trump attended a birthday party for a russian friend.  

They returned to the hotel after the party. Schiller testified that, "On their way up to Trump's hotel room that night, he told Trump about the offer of woman and Trump laughed it off". He then accompanied Trump to his room, stayed outside the door for a few minutes, and then left.  According to one source, Schiller "could not say for sure what happened during the remainder of the night." Friend of the podcast, British music publicist Rob Goldstone believes it was "unlikely" that Trump used prostitutes while he was in Moscow.

He has stated that he accompanied Trump at the 2013 Miss Universe pageant, and claimed that Trump was in Moscow for 36 hours, and that he was with Trump for 31 out of those 36 hours.

Now readers, I know what you’re thinking. Donald Trump is a quiet gentleman who has universally been described by woman as humble, kind, polite and delicate so you find it impossible to believe that such a revered man could ever pay prostitutes to piss all over anything! Well listeners, as shocking as it may sound this pee tape story gets even wetter.

The fact that Trump lied to then FBI Director James Comey does open up the possibility that he did engage in something shady. But was it pee? Perhaps we will never know, but rest assured, if the pee tape is out there we will find it

Benjamin Potesky